On Longing Post 5

"Nostalgia cannot be sustained without loss."- Susan Stewart

This summer I went through a lot with multiple doctor visits every week and I didn't have much time to enjoy myself because I was constantly in pain. My rheumatologist thought I wouldn't be able to go back to school. He thought I had Rheumatoid Arthritis at first but after a few months, and over ten viles of blood taken the doctors discovered that I had Ankylosing Spondilits, which is an auto immune disease that attacks the large joints in your body. During this long summer before my Junior year of college I thought back to when I was younger and had no care in the world. I could climb trees and run without being in pain. I could draw for hours without my right elbow telling me to stop. I could brush my hair and lift a spoon without thinking anything of it. All these things hurt to do over the summer and I felt useless. I literally felt nostalgia and the loss of my ability to control my joints. Recently, a few months ago I started taking HUMIRA, and although my joints aren't 100% I feel a greater apprecitaion for being able to do the things I couldn't do before.